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Taking a shower is one of those tasks that in the moment-to-moment daily grind of motherhood can often become the highlight of my day.  It is MY time.  All by myself.  No questions to answer.  No needs to be met. Quiet.  Solitude.  Peace.  Door closed….means, “DO NOT BOTHER MOM”.  I even tell my little guys, “Mama is going to get in the shower….anything you need before I jump in?  I will be out in just a few minutes.  Please play quietly in your room and wait for me.”  Of course, my little angels ALWAYS obey me, don’t yours?

Okay, back to reality.  This morning I was taking a shower.  I just wanted 10 minutes to myself before my day ran ahead of me.  I needed time to pray, think, and smell better.  Lost in my thoughts and lots of soap, I suddenly heard a giggle.  And there he was….my Deke, popping his head out from behind the curtain….smiling this huge grin that only he can give.  He laughed out loud and said, “I sneaked in to scare you mama!!  Did I scare you?”  We both laughed and I told him that he had scared me and then I sent him on his way…..happy that he had accomplished his goal.

As I rinsed off….I laughed to myself.  I thought of the simplicity of my youngest child.  He doesn’t notice my nakedness…stretch marks….all my flaws.  He just loves me and lives in the moment. He takes advantage of every opportunity to live life and to laugh while he is doing it.

I felt God gently say to me….”that is how I want you to live, my sweet.  Live life….always wanting to know what is on the other side of the curtain. Always in expectation of something beautiful….lovely….amazing….this is what I want to share with you.  I want to laugh with you….dance with you….listen to you speak my name….explore with you….watch as you discover the rose I had bloom just for you….in your favorite color, or the birds singing an opera created just for your listening ears to wake you gently from your sleep. Every day…..I have endless surprises in store for you….if you will only learn to live in the moment.”

I dare you to pull back the curtain…..there’s an adventure waiting just for you….and me!

  DO IT ANYWAY

Mother Teresa

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  

Forgive them anyway.

            If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  

Be kind anyway.

            If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. 

Succeed anyway.

           If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. 

Be honest and sincere anyway.

            What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. 

Create anyway.

            If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. 

Be happy anyway.

            The good you do today, will often be forgotten. 

Do good anyway.

         Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. 

Give your best anyway.

         In the final analysis, it is between you and God.

  It was never between you and them anyway.


 I pray whatever tasks you face today….
you do them
“As unto the Lord”
and that no matter what anybody tries to say
Or
maybe, like some of my days,
the things I do go unnoticed by those I serve
That you are courageous
and
You decide
to
DO IT ANYWAY!

Lord Over All

Terence Chan/Sonicflood

Be the reason I live
Be my quest, my constant vision
Be the water I drink
The treasure I seek more than gold 

Be the fire in my heart
My consuming love and passion
Be the air that I breathe
The song that I sing from my heart and soul

Jesus, Lord over all
Be the Lord over me
Jesus, drawn to this altar I come
Here is my heart
May Your will be done in me

 

I confess that much of my life is about

“MY WILL”

be done….not His.

And, again,

I am made undone by this wretched reality.

Daily….minute by minute….

I must give over this strong determined will I have

that wants to hold on with dear life.

This must die in me.

I find it a very painful place.

which leaves me with little to say.

However,

This song is my heart’s cry

Be my quest, my constant vision
Be the water I drink
The treasure I seek more than gold
Be the fire in my heart
My consuming love and passion
Be the air that I breathe

You are the reason I live

Here is my heart!

My Princess… my chosen one
I chose you before the foundation of the earth to be My princess. You are royalty even when you don’t feel like a princess. I will wait for you until you are ready to start living the amazing plans I have for you. I know you don’t know where to begin or how to become what I’ve called you to be, so let Me teach you day by day. Start by recognizing who I am: The Lover of your soul. When the two of us meet alone together every day, I will show you how to let go of the things in your life that are holding you back from the blessings I want to give you.
Remember, My child, just as I have chosen you, I have given you a choice to represent Me to the world. If you are willing, I am here to give you all you need to complete your calling. 
Love, 
Your King and Lord who chose you.

I confess that I am a stalker of ALL things royal.  Thirty years ago I watched Diana become Princes of Wales….last month I watched her son marry his bride who became Princes Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge.  Watching lives that are so far from the reality of how I live and that they allow me a glimpse into this foreign world, still amazes me.  Even though I, personally, feel that my sweet husband treats me better than many royals among this world….

…the truth is…

I am still just plain Cyndi, or am I?

I received the above poem from my friend Nancy, late last night.  She wanted to remind me of who I am….since I seem to forget this much too often.  Like I wrote yesterday, I need to remind myself daily of what it true.

I am royalty.

Whether I own this fact or not

It is still a fact!

I have been pursued, wooed, and chosen by the God of this Universe.

I am His Bride

His Love

And because of this

All that He has

Is mine.

AND

His love for me is ENDLESS

How’s that for Royalty!

Reminder to Self:

START LIVING YOUR TRUTH, GIRL!

“Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection. Success, popularity, and power can indeed present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions. The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody.” … [My dark side says,] I am no good… I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved.” Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.”
~Henri J.M. Nouwen~

Old habits….tapes playing in our heads…..beliefs about ourselves…..

hurtful things people have said from our past…..

are hard to shake, aren’t they?

Because I believe that I am unloveable….I set myself up for rejection just to prove that lie to be true.

TRAGIC

If I wait to “feel” like I’m “Beloved”

I will be waiting for a long, long time.

It is in the walking it out…..reminding myself of the truth….letting go of past hurts

forgiving

That this “truth” of whom I belong to

Who I am

Becomes my reality.

Sometimes I must remind myself hourly

Some days I forget to remind myself at all

smile.

Since I have begun to get in touch with this “dark side”

of my soul

I have become more aware of the

MANY

lies I believe

And

Change has begun to occur.

Truth ALWAYS wins

Even when it is about the things we least like in ourselves.

Baby Steps

The truth, even though I cannot feel it right now, is that I am the chosen child of God, precious in God’s eyes, called the Beloved from all eternity and held safe in an everlasting embrace . . . We must dare to opt consciously for our chosenness and not allow our emotions, feelings, or passions to seduce us into self-rejection.
~Henri J.M. Nouwen~

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”
– E.E. Cummings

I have a long-time friend.  We spend our time together either laughing or crying….more crying lately….and that’s ok.  We all have seasons like this, from time to time, and I have learned to roll with it.  The other night we went to see a movie together.  Afterwards, we walked around the Plaza for a bit and found a bench and sat. We mostly shared our struggles that evening.  It is great to know that I do not have to pretend with her.  She has known me for years and loves me where I am at….and I feel the same about her.  Nothing she could tell me would shock me or make me not love her. I deeply appreciate her.  I texted her later that evening….thanking her for taking me out and treating me to a movie and popcorn and, especially, for listening to me babble.

The next evening she shared with me that when she received my text her eleven year old son, who was in the car with her, grabbed the phone and was going to read her what I had sent.  She, in turn, told him that her texts were private and that we had talked about something rather personal and that I probably wouldn’t want him to know about it.  They chatted back and forth for a few minutes and then he blurted out….
“She’s not having ANOTHER baby AGAIN, is she?”

Sigh

I laughed….really, really, laughed.

 It actually made me day!

It is what I am known for.

Having babies.

What is so funny about that assumption, is that anytime I tell my older boys I need to talk with them about something important….that is one of the first things that comes out of their mouths, “You’re not pregnant AGAIN, mom, are you?”

SMILE

No, I am not.

I hope today brings you laughter and joy!!

Deliver me, O Jesus, 
From the desire of being loved, 
From the desire of being extolled, 
From the desire to being honored, 
From the desire of being praised, 
From the desire of being preferred, 
From the desire of being consulted, 
From the desire of being approved, 
From the desire of being popular, 
From the fear of being humiliated, 
From the fear of being despised, 
From the fear of suffering rebukes, 
From the fear of being calumniated, 
From the fear of being forgotten, 
From the fear of being wronged, 
From the fear of being ridiculed, 
From the fear of being suspected. 
Amen.

~Mother Teresa~

I love this.

That which I desire

and

That which I fear the most.

Both can paralyze me

If I choose.

This is the ultimate

“death to self”.

This is my

Everyday

Morning Prayer.

Deliverance and Courage.

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